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If you’re thinking about couples therapy, you’re not alone. Many couples in the NYC and Westchester area turn to therapy to strengthen their bond and work through challenges. But sometimes, bringing up the idea of therapy with your partner can feel a little daunting. They might be unsure, skeptical, or simply not ready to talk about it.
I’m here to help you navigate this conversation with warmth and care. Here’s a simple, step-by-step guide on how to bring up couples therapy in a way that fosters understanding and support.
Step 1: Understand Your Own Reasons for Therapy
Before discussing couples therapy with your partner, take some time to reflect on why YOU want to go. Are you hoping to improve communication? Are there recurring issues you haven’t been able to resolve? Are you feeling really stuck and contemplating ending your relationship if things don’t change? Or are you holding back your feelings about past hurt and finally have the courage to openly discuss them with your partner in therapy?
Understanding your own motivations and needs will help you communicate your thoughts clearly and authentically to your partner. When you know why therapy matters to you, it’ll be easier to explain it in a way that invites conversation and understanding, rather than feeling like a criticism or blame. Once you’re clear on your reasons, you can frame the conversation as something that will benefit both of you. Therapy is about strengthening the relationship, not fixing just one person.
Before you talk to your partner, you can also share a few articles that explain why couples therapy can be helpful in improving relationships. These can highlight the benefits of therapy and provide valuable insight into how attending couples therapy feels like. Sharing articles might make it easier for your partner to understand why therapy is a healthy and proactive step, rather than a last resort.
Step 2: Talk with Compassion at the Right Moment
Timing matters. Choose a calm, peaceful time to talk about therapy. Don’t bring it up in the middle of an argument or when emotions are running high. Wait until both of you are in a relaxed setting where you can really listen to each other.
This is your opportunity to have an open conversation, so make sure you’re not distracted. Whether it’s over coffee, after a walk, or during a quiet moment at home, pick a time when you can both give your full attention to the discussion.
When you approach the conversation, use “I” statements instead of “You” statements. This helps avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me, that’s why we need therapy,” try saying, “I’ve been feeling disconnected lately, and I think therapy could help us communicate better.” Be sure to listen to your partner’s feelings too. If they’re unsure or hesitant, let them share their concerns without interrupting. Show empathy and understanding, and try not to take their resistance personally. Therapy can be a big step, and it’s normal for people to have doubts or worries.
Many people think therapy is only for couples who are “in trouble.” To ease any discomfort, let your partner know that therapy can be a tool for growth, not just crisis management. You could mention how many couples, including friends or even public figures, use therapy to build stronger relationships. It’s important to highlight that therapy can help you both learn new skills to improve your relationship. It’s a way to invest in your future together, not a sign that things are falling apart.
Step 3: Address Concerns with Reassurance
Your partner might have some concerns. They may worry about privacy, judgment, or whether therapy will even work. Acknowledge these concerns and offer reassurance.
Let them know that therapy is a safe, confidential space where both partners are treated with respect. A good therapist will be non-judgmental and guide you both through difficult conversations with care. You can also reassure them that therapy is collaborative—it’s not about one person being “fixed” but about working together as a team. If time or cost is a concern, talk about flexible options. You could look for therapists with sliding scales, or explore online therapy, which can make scheduling easier.
Sometimes, the idea of committing to therapy can feel overwhelming. If your partner is hesitant, suggest starting with a single session to see how it feels. Let them know there’s no pressure to continue if they don’t feel comfortable. This approach can help both of you see the value of therapy firsthand and decide if it’s a good fit for your relationship.
Step 4: Be Patient and Respectful
If your partner isn’t ready to go to therapy right away, that’s okay. Be patient and give them space to think about it. Pushing too hard can make them feel pressured, which can lead to resistance. Keep the lines of communication open. Let them know you’re there to support them whenever they feel ready. Sometimes, it takes time for one person to feel comfortable with the idea of therapy, and that’s completely normal.
If your partner is still hesitant, consider starting therapy on your own. This can help you work through your own feelings and gain new insights into your relationship. Sometimes, seeing the positive changes that therapy brings can inspire your partner to join you later.
Conclusion
Bringing up couples therapy is an important conversation, and it’s perfectly natural to feel uncertain about how to approach it. By being clear, compassionate, and patient, you can increase the chances of your partner being open to the idea. Couples therapy can be a positive way to strengthen your bond and improve communication—whether you’re dealing with specific issues or simply looking to grow together.
If you’re ready to explore therapy and need support in the NYC or Westchester area, I’d love to help. Please check our in-person and virtual Couples Therapy Service page at Relate Reflect Therapy. Book a free consultation today and see how couples therapy can help you and your partner connect, grow, and thrive together. Let’s start building a stronger, happier relationship.
