Hamnet: A Family’s Grief and Loss

I recently watched the 2025 movie Hamnet directed by Chloé Zhao which won the Golden Globes’ Best Motion Picture. Based on Maggie O’Farrell’s 2020 novel, it tells an imaginative story connecting the creation of Hamlet, William Shakespeare’s masterpiece, with the loss of his only son Hamnet, who died at age 11. Although no one can verify whether Shakespeare wrote Hamlet because of Hamnet, this film captured a family experiencing child death and grief. As a couple and family therapist, it made me think deeply about the role of parents, couple dynamics, the impact of child loss in a family, and the implications for today’s modern families.

In the old days, it must have been common for men to go out pursuing career and passion while women stayed home taking care of the children. That was what happened with Shakespeare and his wife Agnes. After they got married and had one daughter, he became frustrated and angry, partially due to a strained relationship with his father. Agnes saw him suffer, then let him go to London to pursue his dreams, leaving them behind in their hometown. After he left, she gave birth to twins and almost lost the younger sister at birth. The film vividly showed how painful it was for Agnes to give birth the second time. Periodically, Shakespeare returned home for holidays and had brief gatherings with the family and three children. Soon after, he would leave for London, and he asked his only son, the youngest Hamnet, to watch out for his mother and sisters. The next time he returned was when he heard about his daughter Judith’s severe illness. He rushed back home, only to find Judith alive and Hamnet dead from bubonic plague. Shortly after, he told Agnes he needed to return to London as his team was waiting for him. In that scene, Agnes became furious and questioned him: “I’ve done everything that I could”, which indicated that he was not there to prevent this tragedy from happening. Without much response, he left.

We can try to understand the couple relationship and family dynamics from different perspectives. What struck me most was Shakespeare’s absence from his role as a husband and father. Of course, we cannot make judgments about them given the time, culture, and all the contextual differences. But we can still discuss the impact of a father leaving the family for work on all family members. Agnes had to take care of the three children alone with the help of Shakespeare’s mother. She essentially acted like a single parent and sacrificed her needs of being in a couple relationship with her husband on a daily basis to help him achieve his goals. He sacrificed his time with his wife and children for years. Agnes resented Shakespeare for not being there for her and the children when they desperately needed his presence as the kids got sick. Shakespeare, perhaps feeling remorse, did not show much emotion after learning about Hamnet’s death and being confronted by Agnes’ rage.

The film showed two scenes he dealt with his feelings: once, he acted angry or aggressively towards his father and family members, which he admitted was wrong, and worried that he could hurt others, which led Agnes let him leave for London; Another time was on stage when he played the ghost in Hamlet, where he interacted with the actor playing Hamlet which helped him process grief and loss with Agnes who was present. They as a couple might reach some level of connection through this shared emotional experience.

I felt sad for their loss of Hamnet. At the same time, I was struck that despite the greatest achievements Shakespeare personally accomplished, the price was heavy for him, Agnes, and their children. The absence of their father was a significant loss to the children beyond losing Hamnet. The absence of her husband for years was a significant loss to Agnes beyond his lack of presence during critical times such as childbirth, postpartum, and the child-rearing years. Shakespeare may have gained tremendous pleasure from his work and accomplishments, but in his personal life, he was unable to connect with Agnes, both because of his lack of physical presence and his lack of emotional expression. It is no one’s fault. No one should be blamed. Yet it created a distanced and strained couple and family relationship, which might have been very normal back then. Nowadays, with people’s higher expectations for couple relationships and parent-child relationships, I suspect that this dynamic may have more negative impact on marriages and families.

In today’s society, father involvement in family and children’s lives has significantly increased.  The positive association between father involvement and children’s development such as their better cognitive skills and self-regulation abilities, and less behavioral problems have been established according to research. In general, fathers spend much more time participating in their kids’ activities, education, and household tasks. There are more studies about fathers’ emotional expressions and how they are linked to children’s emotion regulations skills. 

Watching Hamnet reminds us how far we’ve come in recognizing the importance of fathers being physically and emotionally present in their partners and children’s lives. And we still face challenges balancing making a living and career ambitions with family responsibilities particularly for families with fewer resources. There are many factors that individuals may not have control over given their circumstances such as long-distance relationship, economic reasons, and a lack of childcare support. The film serves as a powerful reminder that professional success and the irreplaceable moments and connections with our loved ones are both important. Perhaps the tragedy of Shakespeare’s story portraited in this film is not just the loss of Hamnet, but all the everyday moments of family life that were lost along the way.